Nov 19, 2010


Balloons are another of those things that no one can hate. They are fun at birthday parties, they can make you fly, they can tell the weather, and they can be clothes.

In any color, shape, and size imaginable, there's a balloon for everyone!

They make funny squeaky noises, and are useful for scaring small children when they pop.

What's the best kind of balloon?

Nov 18, 2010


No, houses.

Yes. There are lots of places to live - apartments, castles, vans, under bridges, etc. There are pros and cons with sticking to a good old house, and pros and cons to renting versus buying the sucker. 

Living in a house is sweet because it's a place to yourself - you can usually have sex without your neighbors hearing. But of course with great privacy comes great responsibility, and a great migration of money from your pocket. 

If you buy the house, it's yours. You have the security of ownership. On the other hand, when the heater breaks, it's your own damn problem. And assuming you don't have the cash sitting around to hand over immediately, you're stuck with loans. Getting mortgages, for people with bad credit, isn't fun times. Having one, and needing to refinance the mortgage isn't fun times. Looking for mortgage refinance no closing costs isn't fun times. 

But you can cover the living room in peanut butter and no one will give a shit.

House, bungalow, dollhouse, apartment, what's your choice? 

Nov 17, 2010


Tic-Tac-Toe, or noughts and crosses, or whatever the hell you call it, is an ages old game of skill and chance.

The skill required is having a functioning brain. The chance aspect is that you can only hope your opponent lacks a functioning brain. If you both have IQs over 80, you are doomed to ties until one of you gnaws your hand off. 

Apparently the Romans did it right, and only gave each player 3 markers to move around the board, allowing games to take more than 5 seconds.

Do you prefer Xs or Os?

Nov 15, 2010


Everyone loves kittens. If you don't like kittens, meet me by the big oak tree behind the barn and I'll fight you, you monster.

Kittens will snuggle you and love you and gnaw your face off. They will cover your furniture, clothes, and children with fur, and you will rub your face in it, sneeze yourself to death, and love it. They will destroy everything in sight and you will fucking thank them for it.

Brilliant, evil, adorable little bastards.

Have any awesome kitten stories? (Feel free to inform me that you're really more of a dog person, but watch your back.)

Nov 1, 2010


Let me start out this post by declaring that if you don't like chocolate, you are not human. I still love you and all, but you probably lack a soul. 

This was absolutely inspired by Halloween. Candy from strangers is the best kind of candy! And second best to free is the half-price candy that will be everywhere the day after. What is undoubtedly the most iconic, and arguably the most delicious, of these candies? Good ol' chocolate.

Chocolate comes in pretty much any shape and size you can imagine. It makes almost any food better, from caramel to bacon. It can be used as a skin treatment, as you can see the lovely lady in the image is doing. (I swear this blog is not an excuse to post good looking gals covered in random awesome things.) In the right amounts, it can have health benefits - a small amount of dark chocolate can help your heart, and massive amounts of any chocolate has been shown to cure PMS. 

What's your favorite chocolate... or candy in general, for you soulless chocolate-hating bastards?

Oct 26, 2010

Duct Tape

Duct tape is awesome. No, you don't need more reasons than this image. Yes, I'm going to give you more reasons anyway.

We all know that duct tape can fix anything, but sometimes a reminder is necessary. Next time you find yourself searching for a bottle of glue or a paperclip or a screwdriver, don't forget to berate yourself for being the idiot who forgot the duct tape. 

By anything, I mean anything. Duct tape can fix cars, computers, pants, windows, toothbrushes, wallets, half-eaten bananas, telephones. It can fix your dog. It can fix you a sandwich.

But can duct tape mend a broken heart?

Yes. Yes it can.

What's your favorite use for duct tape?

Oct 24, 2010

Moustache Cups

Dear hipsters and your cutesy little obsession with moustaches: fuck you. 

Moustaches are not cool. They are not funny. Your upper lip does not need to resemble a porcupine. I know you don't have a girlfriend, and your sad attempt at growing a moustache to be quirky is why. It is either a scratchy mass of coffee-dipped bristles, or the more comfortable but less impressive downy fuzz of an eleven-year-old girl's fresh, first leg hair. No one wants to kiss either.

(Yes, I am just mad that I cannot grow a beautiful moustache of my own. Shut up.)

Even worse than actual, physical moustaches are the thousands of kitschy, overpriced, mass-produced products featuring said facial monstrosities that you buy in order to feel eccentric. You're not. If you own or have thought of buying or have even looked out of the corner of your eye at the mug pictured above, or something like it, you're an unoriginal bastard. 

I must clarify that there are cases in which moustaches are perfectly acceptable, or even fine things to treasure and have pride in. If you compete in moustache contests, you are allowed to have a moustache. If you own multiple tuxedos, you are allowed to have a moustache. If you are Yanni or Hitler, you are allowed to have a moustache. If your idea of a moustache cup is, instead of the piece of shit above, something like this: are a classy bastard, and you are allowed to have a moustache. 

Thoughts on facial hair, anyone?

Oct 21, 2010

These Large Inflatable Swords

I bet that this pile of large inflatable swords is the squishiest pile of swords you've ever seen. Probably the squeakiest, too.

It is incredibly comfortable to lay on. I must admit that this was my first experience laying on a pile of swords, but I'm sure that any future attempts will be significantly less soothing.

I see many epic battles in my future. Anyone have an inflatable castle I could borrow? An inflatable horse? Perhaps an inflatable princess?

Oct 20, 2010


Thing number one: tacos.

Crunchy, soft, warm, melty, crisp, yum.

Tacos are beautiful things. They are sandwiches with more awesome bread. They can contain anything your little heart and not-so-little stomach may desire. There's the classic beef, cheese, lettuce, maybe some tomato. If you're feeling a little adventurous, go with chicken. If you're feeling a lot adventurous, go with liver. The kinds of tacos already in existence are countless, and the potential tacos waiting to be invented are bound only by the shells you put them in.

There are breakfast tacos. Lunch tacos. Afternoon tea tacos. Snack tacos. Dinner tacos. Dessert tacos.

Dessert. Tacos.

So please tell, dear readers: How do you like your tacos?