Oct 26, 2010

Duct Tape

Duct tape is awesome. No, you don't need more reasons than this image. Yes, I'm going to give you more reasons anyway.

We all know that duct tape can fix anything, but sometimes a reminder is necessary. Next time you find yourself searching for a bottle of glue or a paperclip or a screwdriver, don't forget to berate yourself for being the idiot who forgot the duct tape. 

By anything, I mean anything. Duct tape can fix cars, computers, pants, windows, toothbrushes, wallets, half-eaten bananas, telephones. It can fix your dog. It can fix you a sandwich.

But can duct tape mend a broken heart?

Yes. Yes it can.

What's your favorite use for duct tape?

Oct 24, 2010

Moustache Cups

Dear hipsters and your cutesy little obsession with moustaches: fuck you. 

Moustaches are not cool. They are not funny. Your upper lip does not need to resemble a porcupine. I know you don't have a girlfriend, and your sad attempt at growing a moustache to be quirky is why. It is either a scratchy mass of coffee-dipped bristles, or the more comfortable but less impressive downy fuzz of an eleven-year-old girl's fresh, first leg hair. No one wants to kiss either.

(Yes, I am just mad that I cannot grow a beautiful moustache of my own. Shut up.)

Even worse than actual, physical moustaches are the thousands of kitschy, overpriced, mass-produced products featuring said facial monstrosities that you buy in order to feel eccentric. You're not. If you own or have thought of buying or have even looked out of the corner of your eye at the mug pictured above, or something like it, you're an unoriginal bastard. 

I must clarify that there are cases in which moustaches are perfectly acceptable, or even fine things to treasure and have pride in. If you compete in moustache contests, you are allowed to have a moustache. If you own multiple tuxedos, you are allowed to have a moustache. If you are Yanni or Hitler, you are allowed to have a moustache. If your idea of a moustache cup is, instead of the piece of shit above, something like this: 

...you are a classy bastard, and you are allowed to have a moustache. 

Thoughts on facial hair, anyone?

Oct 21, 2010

These Large Inflatable Swords

I bet that this pile of large inflatable swords is the squishiest pile of swords you've ever seen. Probably the squeakiest, too.

It is incredibly comfortable to lay on. I must admit that this was my first experience laying on a pile of swords, but I'm sure that any future attempts will be significantly less soothing.

I see many epic battles in my future. Anyone have an inflatable castle I could borrow? An inflatable horse? Perhaps an inflatable princess?

Oct 20, 2010


Thing number one: tacos.

Crunchy, soft, warm, melty, crisp, yum.

Tacos are beautiful things. They are sandwiches with more awesome bread. They can contain anything your little heart and not-so-little stomach may desire. There's the classic beef, cheese, lettuce, maybe some tomato. If you're feeling a little adventurous, go with chicken. If you're feeling a lot adventurous, go with liver. The kinds of tacos already in existence are countless, and the potential tacos waiting to be invented are bound only by the shells you put them in.

There are breakfast tacos. Lunch tacos. Afternoon tea tacos. Snack tacos. Dinner tacos. Dessert tacos.

Dessert. Tacos.

So please tell, dear readers: How do you like your tacos?