Oct 24, 2010

Moustache Cups

Dear hipsters and your cutesy little obsession with moustaches: fuck you. 

Moustaches are not cool. They are not funny. Your upper lip does not need to resemble a porcupine. I know you don't have a girlfriend, and your sad attempt at growing a moustache to be quirky is why. It is either a scratchy mass of coffee-dipped bristles, or the more comfortable but less impressive downy fuzz of an eleven-year-old girl's fresh, first leg hair. No one wants to kiss either.

(Yes, I am just mad that I cannot grow a beautiful moustache of my own. Shut up.)

Even worse than actual, physical moustaches are the thousands of kitschy, overpriced, mass-produced products featuring said facial monstrosities that you buy in order to feel eccentric. You're not. If you own or have thought of buying or have even looked out of the corner of your eye at the mug pictured above, or something like it, you're an unoriginal bastard. 

I must clarify that there are cases in which moustaches are perfectly acceptable, or even fine things to treasure and have pride in. If you compete in moustache contests, you are allowed to have a moustache. If you own multiple tuxedos, you are allowed to have a moustache. If you are Yanni or Hitler, you are allowed to have a moustache. If your idea of a moustache cup is, instead of the piece of shit above, something like this: 


...you are a classy bastard, and you are allowed to have a moustache. 

Thoughts on facial hair, anyone?


25 comments:

  1. Those moustaches on every single thing in Urban Outfitters bother me.

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  2. Nice, this is great, going to direct a few friends to this article.

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  3. just a mustache is lame. a goatee on the other hand, with a top hand and a fly jacket... nuff' said

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  4. HuhHuh...Still though, hee hee.... hmmustaches. Hilarious.

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  5. i worked hard to get my mustache lol!
    and i hate seeing it whored out by companies so people can be ironic and eccentric and shit! you wanna mustache!? grow one! cant? deal with it then!

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  6. I can't hate too much on the hipster stache, it looks good on some. Key word some.

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  7. "If you are Yanni or Hitler, you are allowed to have a moustache" made me laugh :p

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  8. those cups are cool, aren't they from the late 18 to early 19th century?

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  9. I look like a creep with a mustache, true story

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  10. any hair that is not coming of the top of your head needs to go (except eyebrows) they can stay.

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  11. haha ^^ how can you be so upset over 'staches? :P

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  12. lol, i like 'staches..but not on cups^^

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  13. ...I kinda liked the first picture of the mustache cup though ;-;
    Although I gotta say those mugs with mustache guards are genius as fuck. I'm tempted to get one...For my bf, I mean. XD
    Sometimes when I get kinda tired of my bf, I tell him to grow out his facial hair, cuz then he kinda seems like a different person xD So sometimes I like them, sometimes I can do without them.

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  14. dont need it on a cup ive got my owwwwnn

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  15. could be usefull... some day :P

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  16. i can grow like six hairs on my lip, and it looks like pubes. I would kill every motherfucker on this list for a nice mustache...

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  17. where do you buy these cup from anyway?i would adore giving them as a gift

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